


Time's message

by LonelySunflower



Category: WTFock | Skam (Belgium)
Genre: Angst as well, Fluff, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Self-Harm, Soulmates, Time Travel, hard time accepting his sexuality, hihi, please read this very carefully, sad story with a happy ending of course
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2020-10-21
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:06:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 19,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25710310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LonelySunflower/pseuds/LonelySunflower
Summary: In 1907, Robbe is still searching for the one he truly is.He's searching for his half as well, his soulmate.In, 2207, Sander just lost his soulmate, he can't take this pain anymore.He suffers everyday, until something in the sea gives him a new hope.Maybe that's what he needs? A new purpose. But what is it?The soulmate x time travel fic no one asked for
Relationships: Sander Driesen/Robbe IJzermans
Comments: 55
Kudos: 107





	1. Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> Hi loves!  
> I should be on a writing break but idk I feel like some people might be waiting for me to post something and I can't make wonderful people wait
> 
> I don't know if anyone is going to enjoy this but anyway, it's here.
> 
> I'll let you read!❤
> 
> It feels so good to be back by the way, I missed you so much! (yes even if it's only been 9 days, it's long okay)

**Sander**

Sander had been alone for years when he first met his soulmate. They met at school; they never took their eyes off of each other that day. He couldn’t explain it, when he met her, he just knew. And the words appeared on his wrist “Until death”. They quickly showed on her skin too. They were happy, they knew they had a chance to be together forever, yes it was a huge commitment but Sander didn’t feel like it was rushed and neither did Ella.

“Until death” it’s funny how Sander overthinks everything but never thought about the meaning these words could have. If he was doing okay, Sander could make fun of it and maybe, one day, he will. Right now, he is just too hurt.

When you lose your soulmate, a part of you is taken away.  
  


  
It happened overnight, yesterday she was doing alright and today, Sander woke up next to a dead body. There was no life, no facial expression just death as a parasite.

Sander knew he could go in the past to see her. His job allowed him to do so but...  
He knows if he sees her, he’ll never come back in the present where she’s gone. He knew that living a life without her already seemed hurtful enough to see her in a place he wasn’t able to stay forever.

**Robbe**

He has been searching for years. He’s been searching for himself and despite the number of places he’s looked at, he hasn’t recognized himself in any of his reflections.

It’s bad to not know who you are. Or maybe he knows but he’s too scared of admitting it. He has been in a relationship for a long time now and nothing ever seems to stuck. At least for him.

  
He wishes he could give her the love she gives him. He wishes he could feel what she feels. But how can he do that? He was pretty sure love came with time but why has it never arrived?  
  


  
What is wrong with him?

.


	2. You'll meet me at our spot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!  
> Here's the second chapter!  
> I know I'm posting a little too soon but It's been sitting there for a whole week now and I can't wait anymore  
> I hope you'll enjoy❤

**October 27 th 1907 **

**18:55**

The brown-haired boy is wandering through the streets, to think, breathe some fresh air. There’s water all around him and it makes him feel at ease. The sea is blue, it’s clear and pure. The sea has always been calm. Whenever Robbe came here, he would always be surprised by the peaceful atmosphere. It had helped him clear his mind a lot the past few years. He needs to take some time for himself because he can’t stand this situation anymore. It’s like something, is making it hard for him to breathe. And maybe, he’s the one who’s doing that to himself. It’s dark tonight and Robbe’s thoughts are almost as dark as the sky. Why can’t he be like everyone else? Is it that hard to be normal?

Normality is everyone’s goal in life, even if no one wants to admit it. You want to fit in this community and not just be that weird guy everyone is making jokes about. We’ve always been craving normality. Unfortunately, not everybody has the same definition of being normal. It varies, we don’t all think the same way, we don’t have the same opinions, the same experiences.

Robbe isn’t normal enough, at least for himself. He thought he was, but no, he isn’t. He’s always seen his best friends crave girls’ touch but he never has. He’s so tired of having to think about this. Why can’t he be normal? Like girls, like looking at them, talk about them all the time. These are things he never does; he doesn’t find it enjoyable nor interesting.

He knows something in him is wrong. And he can’t put it into words, maybe because the truth is too hurtful. Maybe because it’s too hard to understand. No one knows what he’s going through, he can’t talk about it. What if people cut him off because they realize he’s not like everybody else?

There are just too many risks. He doesn’t want to lose everything just because he cannot find peace with himself, he’d rather not be himself and surrounded by people he loves than be himself but alone and unhappy.

As he walks, he finds a bottle on the ground and picks it up. It’s made of glass. Some people might have left it there. When his eyes leave the ground, he sees a bench with some paper and a pen on it. Maybe it’s his chance. Maybe he has to let it all out. Write everything that’s weighting on his heart.

He sists down, grabs the pen and starts writing.

_Noor_

No…

Robbe never thought writing a letter would be this complicated. Even if no one was ever going to find it, he needed to write it as if Noor would find it. Tell her everything, tell her that it’s not her fault; it’s his. Tell her that she’s the best but unfortunately, he can’t bring himself to love her as more than a friend.

“ _Dear Noor,_

_I love you, deeply. But I can’t love you the way you want me to and I haven’t been able to put it into words. I wish I knew what’s happening to me, I wish I wouldn’t be afraid of myself sometimes._

_You’re one of my favorite people in the entire world. You’re so cool and sweet. But I just can’t bring myself to love you. I’ve been trying for so long, to love you, to tell you this. I’ve tried a hundred times._

_I have to figure out who I am, I’m scared of what I’m going to discover. That’s why I should do this alone._

_Make you suffer was never my intention and I’m sorry for the pain I might have or will cause you._

_No, you’ll never receive this letter, you’ll probably never know I even wrote it. Yes, I’ll stay with you, I’ll stay with you because despite the fact that I can’t love you like you want me to, I love you, as a friend. I know you’ll end up unhappy and you’ll leave me because you’ll be tired of waiting for me to feel the same things that you feel but it’s okay, isn’t it?_

_I want to love you. I want to be this normal boy you love so deeply; I’m going to try to be him for as long as I can. I don’t know where this is leading me but at least I know I’ll be with you._

_I’m throwing this bottle in the sea so no one will read my message._

_I wish writing this tonight would’ve fixed me but I doubt I can ever be fixed._

_In hope that my thoughts and words get lost in this ocean, this free and infinite ocean._

_Robbe_

_Written on October 27 th 1907 sometime around 19:12_

_Ps: to anyone who might find this bottle, this is me and my deepest thoughts, Robbe.”_

He searches for a picture of himself in his wallet. Once he finds it, he puts it in the bottle and does the same with the letter. He closes it and throws it in the sea.

Now, all of his thoughts, confessions and worries are lost in infinity.

**20:23**

When Robbe comes back home, he’s showered with unrequited kisses. Robbe loves affection but…there’s just something so off about all of this. He knows it’s just him, thinking about it probably even makes it worse.

He knows she’s happy to be here, he knows she wants more than what Robbe is able to give her tonight. She starts touching everywhere and no, it’s not possible. He can’t let her do this, fuck it, even if he has to lose everything, losing himself in the way isn’t a solution. It would break him, and after some time, it might break her as well. Because yes, hurting himself to

“Noor…”

“What?” She says while living a kiss on his neck

“What are you doing?”

“Nothing.” As she replies, Robbe can feel a smile growing on her face

“Noor, I- not tonight please” It doesn’t feel right, at least this isn’t how he pictures it.

“What?” She asks, her face already getting red with anger. Robbe has always had a huge respect for her. Women aren’t really the ones who start things but Noor is different and special. She’s confident and bold. She’s everything Robbe dreams to be. She knows who she is and therefore, speaks up for herself “We’ve been together for multiple months Robbe, we’re not teens anymore. I’m tired of waiting, if I’m the problem then just tell me because I’m tired of waiting for you to open your mouth and speak your truth!”

With that, Noor gets away from Robbe’s touch and leaves, slamming the door on her way out “Noor-” Robbe tries to say but she’s already gone. They both know that the tradition is to wait before the wedding but Noor must be tired.

_Why do I have to ruin everything?_

He truly always did this and maybe it’s because he wasn’t meant to be here. He is surely not meant to be in this relationship but…is he meant to be alive? Does he deserve it? These are some of the question Robbe has asked himself his entire life. These are thoughts he sometimes can’t control. And as the thoughts grow in his mind, his breath always gets heavier. Robbe really tries to hold on to things, to his friends, to his life. But he cannot see what he’s here for anymore. Is he alive only to suffer?

Is this what life is all about? Has he been lied to?

**August 23 rd 2207**

**14:23**

Sander could call today: “the worst day of his life” or at least one of those. He has to go to his wife’s funerals and to be honest; he doesn’t know if he’s strong enough to do it. When he woke up this morning, the mark on his wrist had disappeared. Maybe it would’ve made him feel better to know that she wouldn’t remain on his skin forever but it only made it worse. It reminded him that’s she is gone for real. It reminded him that he’ll never get to see her again.

He has so many questions on his mind. Why did she die? Does he have to wear his wedding ring or not? Is it going to be too soon if he takes it off now? Is it going to be seen as obsession if he lets the ring on his finger for too long after her…death?

Sander has gotten a lot of help, the past few days; his cousin, Amber was there for him. His best friend, Senne and his girlfriend who he has a strong friendship with are both here for him today. But it’s still hard and it still hurts. How could it not hurt him? He lost his soulmate and he hasn’t even had the time to process it at all; he already has to let her go.

As he feels himself drown in his thoughts, a hand starts stroking his shoulders “Sander, relax”

_This is Senne_ He thinks. When he turns around to see if he’s right, his eyes meet a tear running down Senne’s face. He realizes it, he is not the only one going through what he is going through. The thought immediately makes him feel a little more understood and so, a little less alone in this wrenching pain.

He stands up and hugs him. They both cry during this hug because the pain is too intense to be contained. They all loved her so much.

**15:54**

When it’s time for Sander to make his speech, he doesn’t know how to act. Why does it have to be him? Is this a thing soulmates do? How can they stay so strong?

“Ella,

You were my one great love. We made thousands of plans and promises together. We were meant to be but-”

He takes some time to breathe and looks up at Zoe to find some kind of courage and support in her eyes. He sighs one last time.

“But the world decided to take you away from me. Every minute we’ve had the chance to spend together will forever be treasured. You were a gift the universe gave me. I am still so incredibly in love with you. You’ll always be by my side, in my heart. No matter what happens next-”

Sander gets away from everyone to isolate himself and let all the pain in. Everyone is still looking in his direction.

_Why do I have to ruin everything?_

He even ruined his love’s funerals. Who does this? He doesn’t deserve all the love he’s been given all day. He doesn’t even know what to do with it. It’s not his surroundings’ love that he wants, it’s Ella’s. Without her, nothing seems to make sense. He doesn’t make sense. He’s a total mess.

**22:22**

By the time he gets himself together and let’s go this whole mess, it’s already night time. He decides to take a walk. There’s some water next to the road on which he’s walking. It’s a mess, the sea is almost as agitated as his mind. There’s a lot of wind that makes some leaves fly everywhere. Sander couldn’t care less, he needs to go on his bench, their bench. Maybe he’s going to be able to feel her presence.

When he finally seats down, nothing happens. The only thing he can feel is his heart breaking inside of his chest. This aching pain.

He’ll never get to see her again. He’d rather die tonight than live without her. Because one of his main worries right now is the possibility for him to never feel alive again. She was the one who made him laugh and enjoy life. Without her, it’s like time has stopped. Like he’s stuck in this suffering and endless loop.

There’s no issue, unless…

Sander hears something coming from the water. He gets closer to see what it is and at this moment, everything on his mind disappears. The only remaining feeling is this huge curiosity. He puts the bottle out of the water, there’s dust all around it. It must’ve been in the ocean for a long, long time.

When he opens it, he realizes there’s something inside, thank god it’s still dry. He struggles for some minutes before properly being able to take it out. It’s a sheet of paper.

_Would that person mind if I opened the letter? I mean they’re probably gone by now. Or maybe they’re from far away and they’ll never know I read this._

Sander shrugs and opens it. He pays attention to every single word he sees on this paper. Tears come back on his face. _This is heartbreaking_ he thinks. He can’t let someone go through this alone. He can’t help it. Maybe that’s what he needs? He needs to take care of someone else to avoid his own pain.

He doesn’t care if it’s not okay to do this, he can’t confront his feelings right now, they’re too intense. 

After that night, Sander can’t stop staring at this letter. The mystery is too big, he needs to know more. He needs to go there, what’s stopping him? He knows he’s not going to want to stay because the man who wrote this letter is not Ella. This is different.

Another day this week, he grabs the bottle and looks at it. He tries to find new details, new things that could make him reconsider his decision. What he finds doesn’t help him in the best way.

There’s a picture, it’s blurry and old but the man looks so sweet. Why do the best people have to suffer the most? He looks like the kindest person Sander has ever seen.

He wants to meet him, tell him it’s alright to be confused. Tell him there’s nothing wrong with him. That’s he is indeed normal. That everything is going to be alright.

At this point, he doesn’t only want to tell him all these things, it’s a necessity, otherwise, Robbe will be unhappy his entire life. He will hide, until it all consumes him and he explodes.

Robbe, what a beautiful name. A soft name for a person that holds so many secrets and pain.

He takes the picture in his hand and looks at it one last time before putting it his wallet, next to Ella’s picture. Two people that have robbed his hearts in different ways.

_This thing has been here for too long, I’ll see him tomorrow._

**August 24 th 2207**

**08:37**

And yes, today, he goes to work even though no one has told him it was okay.

Before leaving though, he leaves the following note:

“ _I need to get away for some time. I will come back._

_Bye, Sander”_

Yes, it’s vague but Sander is tired of being told what he’s allowed to do or not. He’s tired of having to live for others.

He dresses like the people did in Robbe’s time. He grabs the clock he uses to travel in time and thinks about the time he wants to go to.

“October 27th 1907” Sander says before getting transported into a different, yet similar place. He’s in a tunnel, there are lights everywhere. Lights that could blind him if he looked too much at them. It’s like getting transported to a different universe. He walks through the tunnel, step by step until he finds the issue. He hesitates for a second before putting one foot on the ground, then the other one. A wave hits him, it happens every time. You can’t travel through decades without getting hit by time.

**October 27th 1907**

**14:54**

He had never been in 1907. It’s new for him. It’s a blessing for his eyes. There’s a certain kind of beauty in the modern appearance of his world, for sure but the electric streetcars, the curves of the buildings here, it makes it all so welcoming. In 2207, the buildings are either square or rectangular shaped and it’s much “colder”.

Anyway, it’s comforting to see that things have changed in the good and bad way. The entire day, he wanders through the streets waiting for the night to come, waiting to see Robbe.

**19:00**

Robbe is probably almost there. Sander doesn’t know if he can do what he’s about to do. Should he do it tonight?

Robbe shows up a little time past 7pm, as he is supposed to. Sander only looks at him, the ache in his heart getting bigger every time he sees a tear run down Robbe’s face. Sander’s pain is still here, deep inside his heart, he doesn’t forget about Ella but Robbe’s pain submerges him like no other. He can’t understand why he’s so attached to this boy all of a sudden. Maybe it’s because he’s more fragile than usual but it’s hard to believe.

It is now 20:00 and Robbe still hasn’t moved. As Sander starts walking in his direction, he remembers that he can’t change the past. He can’t change what happens, tonight at least. Robbe finally stands up. He instantly freezes when his eyes meet Sander’s. The boy tries to act like he was just passing by but it’s hard to get his eyes to look at something other than Robbe. He knows his deepest thought and this boy knows nothing about him.

That’s about to change. Because Sander is willing to do anything to meet Robbe.

**00:34**

Robbe is once again on his way to the bench, there is a lot of mist, he can’t see what’s in front of him. And maybe it’s a good thing, he focuses on trying to figure out where he is instead of overthinking what he is feeling.

He knows walking alone in the middle of the night is a little dangerous considering the fact that he could get killed at any moment but there’s no fighting this. He needs to go to his safe spot.

He walks, again and again. He eventually gets lost in the mist. No one could see him, even if they wanted, even if they looked closely, people couldn’t see Robbe and there’s just something so great and reassuring about this. He feels like he just disappeared, like no one is able to put eyes on him, he can’t feel the world’s judgement anymore. That’s so much pressure off of his chest

He stops to take the moment in, to look every single detail so he can remember the feeling. He’s hit by something, suddenly, all his worries and toxic thoughts come back. This man, he has already seen him. Is he following him?

“Sorry” The mysterious man says before running in the opposite direction.

Robbe decides it’s time for him to find his way back, there’s nothing reassuring here anymore, there are only questions and worries. As if he’s stuck in his brain.

**October 28 th 1907**

**09:05**

When Sander wakes up this morning, he’s still in 1907. He couldn’t have left yesterday; it was way too soon. He slept on the bench yesterday, after seeing Robbe, that’s where he went. He doesn’t know why they were both here but, at least he saw him. Maybe it would’ve been better if he hadn’t seen him. He looked so sad and hopeless. Sander doesn’t know why the bench keeps leading him to Robbe instead of Ella-

_What is this!_ Sander screams in his head, not wanting to look insane in front of the people that might be walking near the bench.

Something appeared on his wrist. Did his soulmate mark come back?

He quickly looks at it “In elk universum”

_No, this is not happening, we only have one soulmate. I- I can’t have another one, this is not real._

Sander starts crying again, he feels… He feels guilty. This looks like he’s letting Ella go, like he’s moving on. What a betrayal, why would he do that to her? Who could be his soulmate here?

He has no clue what’s happening, he knows he can’t control anything anymore. He’s life is blowing up, the only thing he can hold on to is a man he barely knows.

At least he has something to hold on to. He would like to have his old life back, with his promises for the future, with his wife but he can’t. Does that mean he has to let it all go? Does that mean he has to forget everything and Ella as well? He doesn’t know what he’s supposed or even allowed to do. He’s tired of letting the world decide for him what is wrong or right. Sander needs to find his own way to cope with those overwhelming feelings.

**13:23**

Robbe is only waking up now, he had a long night. He thought for long. He asked himself hundreds of questions to which he couldn’t find any answer. A lot of people say that no one knows them better than themselves. Does Robbe even know a slight part of who he truly is? Or is it just a lie he’s been telling himself his entire life, to feel better about being different?

Something is weird this morning, he feels different. To begin, he’s almost relieved to not have Noor in his arms. It’s mean and bad but it’s the truth.

Also, this guy he saw yesterday, who was he? He had never seen him here. He is now so curious about that person. Did he see him? Was he there the entire time? Why didn’t he look away? And when they saw each other for the second time, why did he run away? As much as Robbe would like to feel nothing towards this stranger, he strangely wants to know everything about him. To get to know him better, he wants to know what his laugh sounds like. He wants to know his darkest and brightest thoughts. He wants to know him.

He didn’t look like someone who would want to hurt or judge him. He only saw his eyes and there was just something so kind in them. His gaze brought no worries to Robbe, this had never happened to him.

The entire day, Robbe feels bad for what happened with Noor and, at some point it gets the best of him. He doesn’t deserve to be happy, to live. He’s hurt so many people. Why would he get the chance to live his life?

**21:21**

Sander is still here. He is now seated on the bench; a day has passed. He doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do anymore, should he start looking for Robbe? Should he wait here for him to come back?

Sander hears footsteps. He doesn’t dare to look up. There’s this sweet perfume in the air. It’s like everything is happening in slow motion. All his senses are focused on everything he can feel, smell and…look at. He finds two brown eyes in which he gets lost in. It’s like falling in love over again. He weirdly doesn’t feel bad. It’s Robbe, he has these brown curls. This smile that makes him look like the sweetest person Sander has ever seen.

He looks drenched. Not because he’s tired, he looks sad and hopeless.

Robbe tries to examine every inch of the face of the man that’s in front of him. He is brown haired, just like him. He has the clearest green eyes Robbe has ever gotten to witness. He looks angelic. His pink mouth is forming the truest smile Robbe could’ve imagined.

They find themselves really happy to be in front of someone they barely know anything about. It’s weird but they don’t care. There are no worries, there’s no one here to watch.

Robbe tries to calculate in which angle he should sit down to be as close as he can to Sander without looking weird. He slowly approaches the man, sits down gently. “Hi”

Sander turns his face to properly be able to look at him. He is closer now. He looks like he’s from heaven. Seeing a smile on someone’s face had never made Sander so happy. There’s a connection, they can’t deny it. It’s soon but they already know they have to hold on to the other one. So, without waiting any more time Sander looks straight into Robbe’s eyes and says “Hi”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And...that's it, I really hope you enjoyed, also, if you were confused at anytime, tell me. 
> 
> I don't know the whole time travel thing is really new to me so...yeah I'm trying to do my best
> 
> and I'll see you next week!
> 
> As always, Comments and kudos are very appreciated❤
> 
> Love you ❤ Stay safe ❤ Wear a mask
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr @ ironymane


	3. I’ll wait for you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Here I am with a new chapter. I know some people were waiting but I couldn't find the will, energy or even time to write this so I decided to listen to myself even if it meant posting a little late.
> 
> I hope everyone is doing well, I changed the tags a little bit because I changed the story as well so I hope you read them carefully. 
> 
> There are gonna be some triggering parts containing homophobia, internalized homophobia and violence so please be really careful. I warned when it happens anyway but please be careful, we never fully know how things can hit us.
> 
> I hope you'll enjoy❤

“Hi”

They both stare at each other for what feels like a second, even if it’s way more than this. Being in each other’s presence feels strange. But’s it’s a good kind of strange. No one is running away this time, the two of them are still seated on the bench. No, they do not talk. Even if they don’t, a thousand words are going up in the sky. Thoughts, words they don’t feel like telling each other, wonders and maybe even some worries.

_Why am I here? Why am I always searching for him? The world wants us to be together but, why? Why is he here? What am I supposed to do?_ Robbe thinks.

Sander knows why he is here. But that doesn’t prevent him from wondering the same things. _Why do I care so much about him since that day I read the letter? Why is he here? Why am I? What are we doing?_ Sander doesn’t have the time to hurt himself with his thoughts right now. He stands up, looking once again at Robbe who’s face is enlightened by the moon, before moving his hand towards him.

Robbe’s brows are frown. He asks him, in his mind _What do you want from me?_

Sander understands the confusion. Yes, he knows a lot about the man in front of him. He’s been looking at his doe eyes for a week now. He has seen his handwriting on paper and even if it was aged by the time, he could see the delicacy in the way he wrote his words. Sander knows a lot compared to what Robbe knows about him. “I’m not here to hurt you, I’m just as intrigued as you are. Take my hand and I’ll show you my secrets.”

Robbe is bewitched by his green eyes, they’re dark as usual. Dark but still so clear and subtle. Robbe takes his hand. “I’m-” He cannot finish his sentence, he shivers. It travels him, from where their hands are connected to his spine. He is taken aback. It almost feels like pure magic, almost like fairy dust in his veins. He gathers himself once again, looking back at Sander who is surprisingly smiling. It’s not a mocking smile, just true happiness and it makes a quiet chuckle escape Robbe’s mouth. “My name is Robbe”

Sander chuckles as well and says “I’m Sander”

“Good to know” Robbe says playfully. His comment makes Sander grin.

“Come with me” And with one last glance at Robbe, Sander is on his way, expecting Robbe to follow him and of course the boy does.

After walking for some time, in complete silence, Sander stops. Robbe looks around, trying to figure out why the brown-haired boy brought him here. He hears a snort and feels a soft hand tenderly grab his. He follows, never letting Sander’s hand go. They climb stairs, Robbe has no idea where they’re going but he knows he doesn’t have to worry about anything. When they arrive on a roof, they see it. The moon. That’s what Sander has been looking at this entire night and now they get to see it, completely. There are no foggy clouds, just this light breeze that makes Robbe shiver once in a while. Or so that’s what he thinks.

Sander lets his hand go and the feeling is almost heartbreaking. He wants to feel it, again. Sander walks towards the edge of the roof and takes a deep breath. He knows he should tell Robbe what he has in mind, what he’s been trying to tell him for two days now but it would be rushed. He doesn’t want to ruin all the trust Robbe has already put in him. He feels a hand running around his neck then settle on one of his shoulders. His breathing gets deeper. Some hair brushes on his cheek and it feels so fluffy. It smells like Vanilla but it also has an undertone, a darker fragrance. Robbe is a complex character but he’s ready to find out everything about him even if he has to ask thousands of questions, that’s part of what he’s here for.

They lay down on the floor, of course, they keep a little distance but nothing too big because they can’t help but get closer, and closer. They fall asleep and soon enough, they end up in each other’s arms. Both of them are in the kingdom of dreams. They’re impossibly close, Robbe’s legs are cradling Sander’s. Sander has trapped Robbe’s head between his arms. It’s as if there was this powerful attraction between them, this magnetism. Something pulling them closer. Something they couldn’t control even if they wanted to. Never letting them be apart or pull away. It had been like this for weeks, whatever they did, they always ended up in the same places. Just like it was meant to be, like they were meant to be.

Were they ready to accept it?

**03:20**

Sander opens his eyes, he is surprised as he feels something, someone, in his arms. His breathing, so slow and calm. So loud. Even louder than his heartbeat. Sander is not disturbed by the situation.

_Why isn’t he?_

Instead of freaking out and pulling away, he gets even closer to Robbe. He pulls their foreheads together. Sander isn’t well aware of what he is doing, he just knows he wants closure. Their faces are touching, as if they were sharing their thoughts. At least as if they were trying to. Sander falls back asleep within seconds since he was not really awake yet. Enveloping himself in this everlasting warmth.

**04:12**

Robbe wakes up but doesn’t open his eyes. He never likes to open them before enjoying the moment of bliss that is waking up in a good place. This place being Sander’s arms.

_Does he know he’s in Sander’s arms?_

He feels surrounded by love; love he is willing to give back. A kind of love so overwhelming that his thoughts are trapped in it, now completely gone. All he sees, all he feels, everything is love. The magic scent that enters his nostrils is love. The nose that’s touching his is love. The lips he is kissing are-

_Wait I’m kissing someone?_

His heart starts racing. He can now feel the butterflies in his stomach. This is not a regular kiss, its full of passion. Full of love, he never wants it stop.

Who is he kissing?

_Sander?_

He remembers it all, what happened last night. The way his hair brushes on his forehead. This is Sander. His heart beats even faster now that he knows but he never stops kissing him because stopping this doesn’t feel right. He can’t let go, his hand grabbing the back to Sander’s head to never allow him to let go even if the idea wouldn’t even cross Sander’s mind. They’re in sync, both of them breathing the same air, it’s like they’re sharing one soul. The feeling so intense for them it travels through both of their bodies.

**(The next scene can be extremely triggering, homophobia, internalized homophobia, violence)**

Robbe wants to live in this dream forever. He can’t let this go, but it’s not his choice, is it? Reality hits him, hard. _I can’t do that? What am I doing? I’m not like that_ “STOP”

He screams, horror in his voice. _What is horrifying? Kissing a boy or simply himself?_

“I- I’m disgusting, how could I do that to you? Oh my god, I’m a terrible person what are you doing with me are you crazy?” Robbe simply got up and walked away, ran away, as fast as he could. Going as far from Sander as he could. _He_ had ruined his life, Robbe just ruined Sander’s life. Everything about that kiss was wrong, boys are not supposed to kiss boys. It is a sin, it’s wrong. So, why did it feel right for a short moment?

Did Sander feel it too? Or was Robbe just forcing him to kiss back by holding his head like this. He’s a monster, he deserves nothing but to suffer. That’s what he’s about to do. Suffer, make himself feel the things he should for ruining all the people he loves’ lives. He lets the guilt engulf him. That’s what he deserves for being the terrible human being he is.

He sees some guys on the ground probably drunk, it’s his chance to suffer, as he should. This will to suffer again and again until he feels nothing anymore is taking over him. Until the little last feelings he has disappears, so nothing about him is bad anymore? So, he’s nothing anymore. He walks towards them. A mean look on his face, he is good at mimicking rage when the only thing he can feel right now is pain, tiring pain.

“Hey” Robbe says “beat me up” He says it desperately and the boys don’t seem to want to do that.

“No” One says and the other next to him adds “Why would we do that?”

And that actually gives Robbe an idea. If they don’t have any reasons to hurt him, then let’s give them one. He spits on them and insults them a thousand words. Most people would already be furious by now, even if they weren’t drunk. But the men aren’t furious, no, it’s worse than that. They all get up and get closer. Then he feels it. The punches, the feet that push in his skin. The pain in his body makes the one in his mind go away. They finish what they’ve started and go away.

**05:03**

He’s been searching for him for an hour now. He can’t find him. _Maybe he’s home. Maybe he’s safe._ These things are hard to believe. He doesn’t know Robbe that much but he knows what he is going through, somehow. He wouldn’t have gone home like nothing happened. Robbe realized something tonight and denial isn’t an option for him anymore. Sander ruined it all. He could’ve done it subtly but he doesn’t even understand how everything happened. He couldn’t control anything. He just felt like he had to do it for himself. He didn’t think about Robbe when he should’ve and now-

“ROBBE!” He runs to him. He runs to the body on the ground. It can’t be anyone but him. And it is him. “What happened! What have you done” Sander puts his face in Robbe’s chest to check if he’s still breathing and yes, he is. Sander doesn’t even have the time to be relieved. He doesn’t have the time to think about what’s going to happen next. He brings Robbe to the hospital where he helps the doctors heal him. He shouldn’t do that; it’s not allowed because he’s teaching those things that only happen to be discovered way later but it doesn’t matter compared to Robbe’s life. A life that would be taken away by this fault if Robbe doesn’t survive tonight.

Once everything is done and Sander is sure Robbe is going to be alright, he comes into his room and seats beside him on the bed. Finally having some time to think about all the things that happened tonight. Robbe is still asleep, he’ll be asleep for some time.

_Why did I have to kiss him?_

It’s the only thing he’s able to think about.

_Why did I even kiss him?_

And he realizes it might look like a betrayal. It’s been less than a week and he finds himself feeling things for someone else. He loves Ella deeply but he somehow loves Robbe too. He doesn’t really know if it’s love though. He just knows he’s been craving his lips; he’s been craving his presence and basically his entire self for as long as he can remember. And he can’t figure out why. He can’t accept the fact that a new soulmate mark has appeared on his wrist. Nothing makes sense. He just lost his soulmate and he actually has another one which isn’t possible. But he also kissed a boy that doesn’t happen to have it. His life is just a mess right now and he needs to distance himself from Robbe a little bit because all he is and has been is a huge source of toxicity. As if Robbe needed more things to deal with. Maybe coming here wasn’t Sander’s best idea.

He leaves a note before going away.

**20:12**

Robbe finally wakes up, once again in a new environment. It’s all white and lifeless. He hears some weird noises coming out from outside the place where he is. He feels all the plain he inflected himself.

“Robbe?”

That’s a woman’s voice, Noor’s voice. _What is she doing here?_

“Hi! Robbe what happened to you?” Her voice is soft, softer than the last time they saw each other. She sounds worried.

“I- I’m fine” Robbe says while trying to seat up.

She puts the palm of her hand on his chest, the second she does it, He can see in her eyes that she’s feeling really bad and she doesn’t know how to act. Robbe grabs her hands, gently. “Hey, it okay”

“Yeah but just, don’t seat up please, the doctors said it was dangerous. Robbe wishes he could get lost in her brown eyes like he does with Sander’s. He really does wish that her long, dark hair would bring a sense of familiarity like Sander’s had done yesterday night but he can’t. He feels nothing but live for this girl. Just not the good kind of love, not the one she wants.

Robbe sighs “Noor, about that night-”

“Stop” she kisses him “It’s okay, we’re good. I just freaked out and became really self-conscious but seeing you like this made me realize how much I love you. I’d do anything for you and I don’t know who found you yesterday but I’ll forever be grateful.”

“But-” Robbe tries to say but he is once again cut off by Noor who doesn’t understand what he’s trying to say.

“Stop okay, I’m gonna grab you some water, they said it could make the pain be less hard.”

Robbe is left alone. He starts analyzing the room to distract himself and finds it. He takes little piece of paper that right next to his bed and unfolds it.

“Robbe,

I have so many things to tell you and I would like to start by saying I’m sorry but I’d like to do it face-to-face. I know what I did was terrible and I would understand it if you never wanted to see me again. I don’t want you to do what you did ever again. I know what I think might not matter to you anymore but please don’t do that again. Finding you was one the worst moment of my life. You didn’t want to die but what you did was still painful to watch. I would do anything to prove that you’re far from being strange or not normal. I swear I’ll try to explain to you if you want me too but please don’t hate yourself for something, I made you do on a roof in the middle of the night. Don’t hate yourself for things you feel. If you feel things it means you’re meant to feel them. Don’t believe anything saying the contrary.

If you want to meet, you’ll find me at our bench on Friday 1 November, I’ll be waiting for you all day and night. Come when and if you want.

Please take care of you, Sander.”

This reminded him of the letter he had written to Noor that night. He still feels the same. Nothing seems to fall into place. This week, he felt like things were falling into place only once. When he was kissing Sander and he still can’t accept the fact the it made him feel so good. Why would it be a healthy feeling if everything he’s ever been told about kissing boys is that it’s wrong. He would like to be able to love Sander. But he can’t because it’s hopelessly wrong and he can’t change that, not even Sander. No one can make this change.

He looks at the ceiling, trying to ask the sky for any kind of answer but of course no one answers. So, he looks at his arms, all the bruises he has. From his shoulder to his wrists. That’s when he sees something he had never seen on his body. Of course, there are lots of new things but this isn’t supposed to be here. He reads it “In elk universum”

_Wait, is it?_

Is this what he thinks this is? A soulmate mark?

Has he met her yet? His soulmate?

He is taken back to reality when Noor enters the room. He tries to looks at her wrists too but he can’t see anything even if it’s his only wishes to see right now. Noor sees his frustration “Hey are you okay?”

Robbe swallows, “Yeah, yeah I’m okay” he wants to scream the words but he can’t _No I’m not okay, I kissed a boy and I liked it. I have a soulmate brand on my wrist and I don’t know where it comes from. I am supposed to act like I love you when the only person on my mind is not you. I have feelings I shouldn’t have. I’m a fucking mess and I ruin everything and everyone around me._

**Friday 1 November 1907**

**06:23**

It’s been a week; Sander needs to see Robbe tonight. He needs to talk to him. Try to explain where he comes from but he can’t just do it like that. It’s too much and he doesn’t want to put even more pressure on Robbe’s shoulders. He gets ready, he tries to have something to say to him already because he knows it’s going to be hard to believe and hard to deal with. You never know what’s going on in someone’s mind, you can never know how they’re gonna react.

Sander tried to get as far away from Robbe a he could but he can’t help it. He feels like it makes everything easier when Robbe’s here.

He gets ready and waits for him, that’s all he can do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so how was it. I don't know if the way I talked about things is actually okay. 
> 
> But yeah I hope you all don't hate me after this chapter (Daniela probably does though (I can already see everyone screaming at me tbh)
> 
> But yeah we'll probably see each other in a week.❤
> 
> Also, I am really sorry this is a short chapter compared to the time writing it has taken me but that all I could do
> 
> As always, Comments and kudos are very appreciated❤
> 
> Love you ❤ Stay safe ❤ Wear a mask
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr @ ironymane, I've never told you but my name is Ymane if you like calling writers by their name. But call me however you want, really


	4. I'm not afraid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!  
> I'm back, I'm so sorry it takes me so much time to write but I can't find the time😥 I really do miss writing as much as I did during lockdown but it is what it is.  
> I hope you all have had more than an amazing week and if not (if yes too) I'm sending you all my love❤  
> Hope you'll enjoy even if it's just a mess of words😅

**November 1 st 1907  
  
08:45**  
  
Robbe wakes up in Noor’s arms even though his mind is far away from here. It’s outside, in Sander’s presence. It’s in his home, alone. It’s everywhere he can’t be. He loses himself in the lightness of his thoughts, he tries to forget everything around him because nothing feels as good as the fantasies in his head. He wishes he could escape this world of only suffering and hiding and hurting. No, being here doesn’t make sense. Him being at the hospital doesn’t make sense. Sander still wanting to see him doesn’t make sense. Nothing is right, nothing _feels_ right. And as his thoughts keep darkening, he can feel Noor waking up. Always attached to him, she never wants to let him go. Let go, that’s all he wants her to do. But how do you say this to someone who loves you? Do you just say it like that? Do you just hurt them without any regrets or remorse? Robbe could never do that, Noor, he loves Noor. He would never forgive himself for hurting her…

“Hi” She says, all happy to be where she is. She has, of course been pretty worried about how Robbe is doing but all he answers is that he is doing fine. And physically, he’s okay. It could be better of course but he’s okay. Mentally he is just crushed and confused about things he simply can’t tell Noor. Things that are bout her and in a negative way. _How am I going to get out of this situation?_

“Hi-” He is cut off by the doctor entering the room.

“Hi! Robbe, we’ve looked at your case and everything seems to be fine, you can go home. You got very lucky someone found you an brought you here, so take the second chance that has been given to you. Take care of yourself next time. It could’ve been way worse than you think.” Robbe knows what could have happened and maybe that’s what he wanted; he feels so ashamed for doing this. To be honest, he is ashamed by everything he is.

Noor stands up and hugs him. The doctor doesn’t really understand what’s happening but Robbe knows. She is happy, just happy and thankful. And that makes a smile appear on his face. There are moments like this one where he forgets a little the pain he feels and even if it comes back as fast as it disappeared, it feels great. The doctor leaves the room and Noor takes his hands in hers. Pulling him out of the bed “Come! Let’s get out of here. There you can change clothes because” she grins handing him pants and a shirt “That dress is a little sexy” She laughs at him a little and Robbe doesn’t feel that comfortable with her saying this but it’s okay. Soon enough he’ll be alone at home. Without anyone to get him out of his thoughts. He’ll be able to reconsider the proposition Sander made.

**09:34**

There’s this weird pression, he tries to know what he wants to say to Robbe but words aren’t coming. There simply are too many things to talk about. Like “Hey Robbe you know I’m from the future, I read this letter you threw in the ocean and now I want to help you. Also, I’m sorry I kissed you but I think I might like you” No, he can’t do that. He just can’t say it like that, Robbe would freak out. And the more Sander thinks, the more fucked up it gets. This is going to be a long day and Sander doesn’t know if he’ll be able to wait that much time.

Yesterday night was pretty tough on him. It reminded him of his own past. The things he had to learn, he had to go through without really realizing what was happening. I took him back to all those years he spent hiding anything he could. These years he spent in constant fear of what could happen. Because it doesn’t just happen on purpose, it can happen at any moment. He has scars all over his body that he has only had the courage to show to one person. He has scars in his mind that make him unable to do, look at or live some things. Because the memories are way too present and they are far from forgotten. Maybe one day he’ll open up about it but there are some things you can never fully recover from.

Robbe arrived at his apartment not so long ago and Noor hasn’t left yet, he just wants to be alone, some privacy. Is it too much to ask for? He doesn’t know how to act anymore. “Noor?”

It’s starting, Robbe has to do it or it’ll hurt even more when she’ll realize things he hasn’t yet. Robbe has a soulmate out there and she’s probably the one he needs to feel normal again, he can’t stay with Noor anyway.

“Yeah, Robbie, what’s happening?”

_“Robbie” ugh I hate that nickname_

“Noor we…we need to talk”

“Talk?” she asks, she’s not worried, she’s probably just really confused.

“Yeah, I’ve had time to think and you know that I love you right?” She nods, the worry already taking over her face “But I can’t love you like _that._ I can’t offer you the things you want. I love you deeply…” Their eyes start wetting up “But only as friend and I’ve tried so many times to fall in love with you but it never worked. I’m so sorry for breaking your heart and being an asshole to you but we can’t continue like this or we’ll explode and hurt each other a little more in the process.”

She stands up not saying a word, he does too and still, without a word, she hugs him. She cries so many tears in his arms. “It’s okay” he tries to say but as soon as he opens his mouth, she looks at him, anger in her eyes. And just like that, she walks away.

This might have been one of the worst moments of Robbe’s life. It was confusing too, and…relieving?

Yeah that’s what he feels.

He feels relieved.

**17:09**

He has been thinking about it all day. _Should I go? What would happen if we saw each other today? I don’t want to hurt him even more than I already have._

And Robbe cannot really choose what’s good and what’s not because of course taking decisions for Sander is bad but…he wants to protect him from his toxicity. Robbe just darkens everything he touches; he makes everyone sad and miserable.

He’s rambling and rambling, it’s everything he’s been doing the past hours. He hasn’t eaten anything, he hasn’t moved or even talked to anyone. Just thoughts, everywhere, haunting his mind like nothing else ever had before.

**21:34**

Sander hates getting impatient because he knows Robbe shouldn’t rush himself. He knows that he shouldn’t come if he didn’t want to but Sander can’t help it. He’s asked himself a hundred times if he should go away today. _Maybe I’m interested in him because I don’t want to see the truth. Maybe I don’t want to accept the fact that I’ll never forget about Ella and that Robbe is just a distraction._

Sander doesn’t really know what to do, how to act. Everything was so rushed; he shouldn’t have kissed Robbe that night but it felt like he had to establish so kind of connection with him. It’s the only way he found to do it. He remembers feeling so overwhelmed by this kiss that, at some point had become heated. He remembers Robbe leaning in his touch. He knows he was half asleep and what he felt might be part of a dream but he refuses to believe everything was just created by his mind. Dreams can create fantasies but it has never created sensations or even feelings. It can’t be just him; he can’t be the only one who felt the need to be close to Robbe. So, maybe Robbe is still, unconsciously looking for this.

**05:43**

Sander doesn’t know why he’s still here when he thought about going away all day but he just has to hold on. To anything he can find. To Robbe, to his hope. He can feel it, it’s close to happen, it has to. He can’t just leave Robbe as clueless as he must be right now.

**07:12**

He hasn’t slept, his thoughts occupied by only one person, one presence, on man. And Robbe can’t understand why it’s happening. He has tried to cloud his thoughts as much as he could. He’s tried to forget about him but nothing works. It’s like Sander is inside Robbe’s skin and he’s never going to leave. And Robbe can’t help but feel partly happy about it. He brings some kind of comfort into his life. One he had never experienced before. Robbe trusts him. See? He did a horrible thing to him, he kissed him but Sander still searched for him and brought him to the hospital. He doesn’t know why he did it and now he wants to meet? Most people would be afraid of getting killed after doing this but Robbe isn’t. He doesn’t know why. He feels like they share the same soul, like if Sander was to kill him, he’d lose a part of himself too.

_I just have to meet him again. Once. And that’s it_

Robbe starts walking and he never stops. And maybe Sander is gone by now but he has to take the risk. He is finally determined. He has found the strength that was missing. Walking isn’t the good word, he is running, trying not to arrive too late. Trying to catch Sander.

**07:34**

_That’s it, Sander, he won’t come. Not for you, people always leave you anyway._

He stands up. Ready to go away. Nothing keeps him here. Only this hope. Maybe he was always wrong, maybe Robe doesn’t want him. Maybe he doesn’t want his help. As he starts walking, he hears hurried footsteps. They get slower and slower.

“Sander…” Robbe says breathless.

Sander’s heart skips a beat. His breath is caught. This voice. This angelic voice. Robbe is alright, he’s here. He doesn’t know if he should turn around to look at him properly. He doesn’t know what could happen. The relief already made tears come all the way up to his eyes.

With care, he turns around and every step he takes feels like eternity. Then he sees him. He couldn’t describe the look on Robbe’s face, even if he wanted to.

Maybe shame? And Confusion?

“Robbe” Sander sighs, his voice completely gone.

They don’t think about it, not even once. They don’t think about anything to be honest. It’s just the two of them. The world is slowly disappearing around them. Robbe chuckles and thinks, _it always has to be this place, our place._ And overthinking what he’s about to do isn’t necessary. He can see in Sander’s eyes that there’s absolutely nothing to fear with him.

So, he starts walking and his stride only gets faster. Realizing that with every step he takes he’s a little closer to Sander.

And they collide. In a comforting hug, they reunite. Both of them cry for some reason. Robbe expressing all of this time he’s spent lonely and unhappy. Sander simply feeling relieved he didn’t ruin it all.

They stay like this for some time, not knowing what to do just feeling safe and invincible in each other’s arms. Sander feels like Robbe is the only thing that brings him back to reality. It’s his anchor. His anchor in this sea of suffering. He’s the one who hasn’t let him go. Who hasn’t let him be taken by the sea and its pain.  
  
He realizes it now, in times where nothing makes sense, Robbe is the only thing he can hold on to. He’s the only thing that feels good.

They pull away at some point. Now feeling more than safe in this open space. Sander’s intense green eyes chase Robbe's elusive ones. He doesn’t want to look at him because he simply doesn’t know what he is supposed to do. He’d like to apologize for all the things he has put Sander through but he can’t find the words. He wished he could say everything with a glance. But unfortunately, humans can only communicate with words-  
  
Sander takes his hand in his, noticing how far away from reality he has gotten himself. “Hey” he lifts his chin. And their eyes meet again. “You have nothing to worry about, not now, not ever.” Sander can almost see Robbe rolling his eyes. “Hey, I get that it’s hard to make yourself believe you’re normal and okay when people have been telling you the contrary your entire life. Believe me I know. But there are things you don’t know, things you’ve never seen. Things I’d like to have the chance to show you if you’d let me. Only if you trust me.”

Robbe who was at first completely sure Sander was lying had started to believe his words. _Only if you trust me,_ the words are echoing in his mind. How could he not trust Sander? The real question is, _how can Sander trust him_ after everything he’s done. Maybe Robbe is being stupid, maybe all Sander wants is for him to suffer but he has to trust him. “Yeah”

“What?” He is confused. Did he hear that right?

“I trust you”

And it hit Sander. He had not seen that coming. Not at all.

The truth is, both of them felt so bad for kissing the other that they had forgotten talking to each other again was possible.

“Okay, I know it’s going to sound crazy but hold my hand” Sander says

“Why?” Robbe says, taking his hand in his hesitantly.

Sander worries that once he’ll have explained it all to Robbe, the boy will leave. So, he just stays mysterious and prays for everything to go as planned. “Do you trust me?” He asks, still so serious.

And Robbe replies “ Yes, always”

“Then just take my hand and you’ll see what happens” Robbe only nods in response, not knowing what to expect.

Sander takes a last look at him. Tightening the hold, he has on Robbe’s hand to let him know he’s not going anywhere. He takes out the clock and there they are. Again, in this tunnel. Sander is not alone anymore, and so is Robbe. The tiniest boy looks confused, Sander just pronounces two words “Follow me”. Robbe does as he’s told.

They find the exit of this tunnel, it leads to an apartment room, filled with people who don’t look really reassured. They step out of it. Coming into this room where Senne, Zoe, Milan and Moyo are gathered together.

**August 29 th 2207**

**19:09**

When Sander sees them, he almost shouts “What are you all doing here?” Everyone in the room jumps, Robbe as well. But a chuckle escapes his mouth when Sander turns around to look at him with the biggest smirk on his face. Being kind, only to one person, the one that matters the most in the moment.

All his friends look surprised to see he brought someone, but they’re even more surprised to see Sander here. They all get up to hug him “Sander you’re here! We were all so worried” Moyo says, he is one of the oldest friends Sander has ever had.

He steps back, sending everyone a look saying ‘it’s not the right moment’. They all nod, they don’t need anything but to know he’s doing good. Sander doesn’t want Robbe to know that he has just lost Ella. When they finally close the door, Sander sighs, now feeling completely comfortable in his home. But it strikes him, he runs to the door. “ZOE!” She runs to him “Give me those spare keys” He says offering his hand. She has an annoyed, mostly bothered look on her face. She starts walking back to the other when Sander adds “Hey, love you” She smiles

“I love you too”

Robbe hears the entire conversation. He could ask so many questions, asks about the clothes Sander’s friends are wearing, about the furniture in the room but the only question he is able to ask is “Is she your girlfriend?” Now feeling all insecure and ashamed.

Sander laughs, the question almost sounding absurd.

“What?” Robbe asks “What’s so funny about that? I’m just asking…”

Robbe may not realize what he is _just asking_ but it makes Sander smile so much. Maybe he really does care about it.

“So, you haven’t answered my question yet”

“No, she’s not.” He says getting closer to Robbe. “Don’t you have any other questions to ask?” Sander put another question in his tone but of course Robbe didn’t get it. He’s not ready to get it.

“I mean, yeah. Where are we? What was all of this? The weird tunnel, I feel like I entered another universe.”

“Are you not afraid?”

“Why would I be, I’m with you” Sander’s heart skips a beat. Robbe answered so quickly, he mustn’t even have thought about it. Sander’s now shy eyes find Robbe’s at some point. An enjoyable kind of tension fills the room. Everything shifts it seconds. It was chill some minutes ago but now? All they can hear is the sound of their heated breaths.

Sander looks at Robbe. A look inviting him to sit down. They both sit down in front of each other. Robbe on the couch and Sander on a chair. They can’t look away. It’s like their eyes are meant to stay like this.

Robbe pronounces the words one last time “I’m not afraid of the truth, nor am I afraid of you. You’re the only one who really cares about me. You’re the only one that understands me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really know how to end the last scene lol, I'll figure out a way in the next chapter🥰  
> I hope you enjoyed, thank you for all the love and support you've all sent me throughout these past months, I don't talk about them that much but it really is amazing, thank you🤧❤  
> Also I don't want to get your hopes up but I have had lots of ideas for chapter five so it might be updated in time if I can manage everything!  
> As always, Comments and kudos are very appreciated❤
> 
> Love you ❤ Stay safe ❤ Wear a mask
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr @ ironymane


	5. Two smiles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!! I'm back!  
> Lol did anyone miss this fic or not?😂  
> Sorry I was gone for so long you know just personal life and I'm quite insecure about this story but anyway I'm trying to find times when I can work because I really missed writing the past weeks!  
> Again, sorry for the long wait and I hope you'll appreciate this chapter!❤❤

**August 29th 2207**

**19:45**

_You’re the only one that understands me_

The words were still on his mind.

Quick after Robbe had pronounced them, Sander had explained it all to him. It started off as a normal conversation.

“You know what okay, I trust you. But first, promise me you won’t run away” And sander’s eyes were begging him, it was all he was asking for.

_Please stay with me, forever_

And Robbe really meant it when he said that he wouldn’t. “You’re the only thing I know here, I wouldn’t run away. I need you, to survive” he slightly joked, speaking truths without even realizing it.

Sander took a huge breath and started “So, have you seen how everything is different?” Robbe nodded, now willing to know more and more “Well, the clothes, the furniture, the outside” he said guiding Robbe’s sight towards the window. “It all changed because it’s not the same…”

“It’s not the same…what?” Robbe asked and he asked again when Sander didn’t respond “What is it?” Robbe stood up and got closer to Sander, sitting beside him in this narrow chair. He put his hand on his “Just tell me, don’t be afraid of telling me. Trust me like I trust you-”

“Robbe I do trust you but it’s just hard to say when I don’t know how you’re going to react” and he was telling the truth, what did he do? Why did he bring him here? He was out of his mind when he decided to do this. It’s like voices in his head were telling him to do it and he couldn’t make them stop. He couldn’t stop listening he was agreeing with them. He had wanted to show his world to Robbe since the first time they met. How do you make your own wants stop?

And Robbe started listening to his instinct, he put his hand on Sander cheek, “tell me” He pronounced the words firmly, he wanted to know all the truth.

“We’re in 2207” Sander whispered the words and Robbe had a moment of absence, he laughed at first but when he saw that Sander was still serious, he realized it

“H-How?”

“Please Robbe don’t freak out, don’t run away please” Sander instantly got scared. Sander was even more scared and agitated than Robbe. Robbe, who was caressing his back, trying to make him come back to his senses.

“I told you I wouldn’t leave, didn’t I?” he said turning Sander’s head towards him

Sander exhaled, his breathing getting slower, “you did” His eyes found Robbe’s “you did” In that moment, they realized how close they were, how nothing really mattered around them. And it felt amazing to be able to just care about only one thing in his universe. When they thought about it, the time, the location, the people around them, nothing really mattered once they shared a smile, a glance, a touch.

Robbe had to force himself to break this moment, not wanting to ruin it all like last time “So, when are we?” He asked the question as if it was nothing but again, it didn’t really matter because here, Robbe felt safer than he ever had before. And maybe it was because he was in a total new place…or maybe it was because he was with Sander. Even Robbe himself didn’t know, the past days, he had had a hard time understanding what he felt and why he felt it.

“In my time”

And now they’re left here, thousands of questions going through their mind.

“And why did you bring me here?”

Sander is taken by surprise; he doesn’t really know. He wanted to come home, probably. He wanted to show Robbe what the world looks like these days, he wanted to help him see how things have changed. He wanted to show him another side of the world. And maybe, only maybe, he brought Robbe with him because he didn’t want to leave him back in 1997.

Sander is still trying to find a way to answer this question. Then he gets and idea. He stands up “come”. Robbe’s brows are now furrowed, first, he didn’t even answer his question and now he wants him to follow him? Where? Why?

Robbe stands up, obviously, Sander takes his hand and starts walking. Without saying a word. They both have a smile on their faces. A smile that won’t fade, ever, as long as they are with each other. Robbe was amused by the way Sander acted, he was so happy to be with him.

Sander was just appreciating the situation. As he always did when he was with Robbe.

**20:23**

They stop in front of a kind of building Robbe had never seen. It’s a lot for him tonight. A lot he just discovered, a lot of things to look at. The neon lights of this place, they look great but they make his head ache. The height of the buildings makes him feel watched but he doesn’t say anything. He can’t ruin the moment. If Sander brought him here, there has got to be a reason.

Sander turns around for the first time since he started walking. He has a bright smile on his face. One that makes Robbe’s headache fade away. It’s the kind of power he has over him. It’s scary sometimes to think such things, but there’s something comforting about the fact that Sander can heal Robbe with only a glace and a smile. “You okay?”

“Yeah” Robbe quietly whispers

“Ready?” He nods “Come” Everything is so mysterious, they enter this place

“What-” Robbe tries to ask

“This is a bar, people come here to chill, drink and sometimes they even flirt” He gives him a wink and Robbe thinks _wow, how bold of him to do that in public. Where everyone can see him._ They sit at a table

“Hey boys! What do you want?” The man in front of them is pretty energetic, it changes, people in Robbe’s world don’t always seem happy, here it’s like everyone is happy. Here people seem to be enjoying themselves.

He’s taken out from his thoughts by Sander’s voice, always bringing him back to reality with a tender shiver “2 beers please” He turns his head so he can face Robbe. A smile lingering on his face. Sander notices Robbe blushing and this is one of the most beautiful things he has ever seen. Robbe’s gaze stops on those two men across the bar. And Sander, seeing the confused look on his face turns around.

“Why are they kissing? Isn’t that like forbidden?” Robbe asks, not daring to look at Sander anymore, too scared by the thought of his answer being the one he doesn’t want to hear.

“Not, it’s not. People are allowed to kiss whoever they want. Love is love who cares if the person you love is a boy or a girl.”

And the words hit him. Like a train, a car, like the universe has collapsed right in front of him. It sounded so raw. So true to Sander, like he had never heard anything that said the contrary. Like he had always known he could love who he wanted without having to worry about anything else. Robbe gets closer to Sander and hugs him, because it’s the right thing to do. He hides his teary eyes in Sander’s chest. Pronouncing the words “thank you” over and over again. Maybe Robbe realized tonight that it truly is what he needed to hear. He still doesn’t know why it touched him like this.

Sander keeps caressing his hair. No shame, no worries. Just him taking care of Robbe. In the way he has always wanted to. Make him feel like he’s here for him. Like he’s just waiting and if anything happens, he’ll be here to fulfill his needs and dreams. Sander knows why Robbe is reacting like this and he can’t help but think that one day he’ll have to bring him back to 1997. The guilt engulfs his chest and thoughts. Robbe feels it. He can feel Sander close himself in the embrace.

“Hey are you okay-”

“Here, your two beers” Robbe jumps a little, surprised by the sudden noise. But once again stills in Sander’s touch. He smiles one last time before getting out of his arms. They stay here for some time. Laughter and voices feeling the room and even with all these distractions, the only thing Robbe can look at are Sander’s eyes. Those intense green eyes he has never been able to stop staring at.

**August 30th 2207**

**00:45**

It’s late, the day has been long, Robbe is a little giddy. He’s careless. “Carry me on your back!” He says while already jumping on Sander

The boy chuckles “What are you doing?”

“I’m allowed to do what I want when I’m with you and I love that. You’ll never stop staring at me with those eyes, will you?”

_Oh yeah, he’s a little tipsy_ “No, I won’t stop.”

Robbe takes the final step and settles himself on Sander’s back. Leaving a soft kiss on his neck. One that makes Sander shiver. So much that Robbe feels it. “Oh Sander, are you cold?”

He snorts at the sound Robbe just made. His voice broke because of how much he laughed and shouted tonight. “I’m okay, I’m with you, You’re happy.”

**09:34**

This morning, Sander wakes up with a huge smile on his face. And someone next to him on the couch. He looks at him for a moment. Taking some time to fully realize they are here together. He doesn’t know what actually happened last night he certainly knows Robbe was in his room when he closed his eyes and now, he’s in his arms. He tries so hard to be even just a little upset but he just can’t be. The peace on his face. That’s all he wishes him. That’s the only emotion he wants to see on Robbe’s face. Peace. A peace that never ends, one that is never stopped or paused. An endless kind of peace created only for this boy. Because that’s everything he deserves. Sander knows there are lots of people who are and were in the same situation as Robbe and couldn’t, still can’t, live fully. They didn’t get the “chance” Robbe got to send that bottle. Sander didn’t meet them all and he knew it somehow was selfish of him to only bring Robbe back home but he never felt like he cared about anyone _more_ than he cares about Robbe.

The boy’s eyes flutter open in a graceful gesture.

Two smiles at the center of the universe.

**17:34**

It’s been a long day and the boys have never felt closer to anyone else on earth. They shared things, ideas, and it quickly came to Sander’s attention that Robbe is adapting pretty fast to this new world. Maybe too fast?

Sander left him alone some time ago to go to the grocery store. And he’s just standing there, examining the apartment. Looking at everything, every picture he can find, every art piece hung on the walls. Something catches his attention. He can’t see anything ese anymore, it looks familiar. Like the one he threw in-

The river…the bottle…the message

_Have I been lied to all this time?_

He takes it in his hands, opens it and yes, it’s his. How did Sander even find it? What’ does he want from Robbe? Is it a joke to him? Everything, is this all a joke? Robbe’s breath is caught. He has been betrayed, lied to and probably even judged; he needs to get out of here.

He runs, runs until he’s out of breath, runs until the sun goes down and the world starts turning around him, again and again, never stopping.

He feels like he just disappeared. And maybe it’s a good thing that no one can see him.

He can finally see the truth of this world. It’s isn’t as bright as he expected it to be. Maybe it was Sander that made this world bright and once you get away from him it all darkens. People are crying, hurting, just like him.

**18:12**

Sander finally comes back home, thinking he’d find Robbe but all he finds is this stupid bottle. He drops the bags on the floors and goes out once again. There’s no such thing as knowing you just hurt one of the people you only want to be happy. He caused it all. Robbe feeling abnormal. Robbe feeling ashamed. Robbe being sad. It’s all his fault.

He searches, everywhere.

For hours.

Nothing seems to make sense.

There’s no sign of him.

Was he dreaming it all?

**21:21**

At some point he gives up. He knows he’ll find him. Just not tonight.

He starts walking with no direction and no place to go. Just being guided by his heart. That’s when he comes back to the place where it all started.

He can hear screams. Someone’s crying and Sander can see himself seeing this. Pulling the strings of his hair, trying to make his thoughts escape his mind. Screaming as if it could take all the sadness and the anger out. And these flashbacks. All these times he had to clench his jaw so as not to cry in public. These days he got out of his house, of his car and had to swallow his feelings because the world didn’t want to see them. All these nights he had to escape and come to this place to scream, to cry, to hate every single part of his being.

And he felt it all over again.

He felt it because Robbe’s pain is his. He feels it in his narrowing lungs. In his aching heart. In his broken voice. In the terrible noise that are his thoughts right now.

He knows the sound of his voice. He knows every break it makes.

He approaches, as quietly as possible but his footsteps are still hearable. He sees his face turning along with his entire body. His eyes get big once he sees him. He tries to get away, he starts walking, not wanting to hear anything, he knows that Sander doesn’t care about him. He knows he’s going to lie to him, like everybody does anyway. Like everybody has ever done. H thought Sander was different but maybe he was mistaken by his lies.

But he wanted to believe him, so bad. He always had faith in him, in his words. He was so wrong to believe people would be different in this world.

“Robbe!”

“Robbe please wait”

“Let me explain” he takes his wrist in his hand, trying to be as gentle as possible. “Please, give me this chance and if you don’t want to speak to me anymore after this you won’t ever have to talk to me or even to see me anymore. I promise.”

Robbe stops for a second to look at him in the eyes. “You have ten minutes”

“I don’t think that’s enough Robbe. I don’t even think a lifetime would be enough for me to explain this to you. I was so scared something happened to you; I’d like to tell you so many things.”

“Then try to say this quickly. Say it, say that you don’t care, that you did all of this for no reason but to hurt me because that’s what I deserve.” He said, hurt in his voice. That’s the only thing he feels.

Sander can’t believe what’s happening, Robbe isn’t necessarily mad. He just thinks Sander wants to hurt him. “Robbe, do you honestly think I’d want to hurt you?” Sander whispers the last words. Them sounding too hurtful to imagine in Robbe’s head.

He looks away. “You tell me.”

“Robbe” He takes his face in his hand. Holding it like it’s the center of the universe. “Never in my life I would even think about hurting you. I found this bottle in the sea and the first thing I thought about was helping you. Robbe, you looked so hurt and lost but I think I made it worse. I wanted to show you how normal you are. I wanted to make you realize that the world here accepts and loves. At least a part of it. I know I confused you and I’m so sorry about this but Robbe I never expected to feel what I feel for you”

“What you feel for me?”

Sander’s gaze intensifies. He takes his hand and is surprised when Robbe doesn’t push it away. “That night, when we kissed. I never felt something like this. I never thought it was possible. And I couldn’t let go, I couldn’t stop. Your arms, your lips, it felt like I had finally come back home. And since then, the thought of leaving you makes me sick. The thought of hurting you breaks me.”

Robbe swallows, hard. Trying to take the words in. He doesn’t know what happens but next thing he knows is that they’re kissing, kissing without ever stopping. Kissing like Sander is the air he needs to breathe. Every time their noses brush, every time their foreheads unite, every time their lips collide and crash together. It feels like they’re getting closer to this place where they feel at ease. This place where there are no worries, no sadness, to peace.

**23:12**

They get home quite late; they didn’t feel the time pass by. They don’t really know what to do with each other, still a little shy but laughing and kissing makes it all better. They go straight to bed. Drained because of everything that happened tonight. Sander starts laying down on the couch. He hears the bathroom door swing open and the sound stops straight away.

“Sander are you sleeping?” Robbe asks and Sander, feeling a little playful doesn’t answer. Robbe sighs then he gets closer to Sander “I guess I can sleep with you” He says and Sander chuckles, he couldn’t hold it back anymore. He opens his eyes

“So, someone wants to sleep with me?”

Robbe smiles shily, pushing Sander a little “Heyyyyy! Don’t play with me like this!”

Sander sits up and lift Robbe so he can carry him to their, now, shared bedroom.

They both lie down and turn so they can look at each other. “I’m so happy you’re safe.” Sander speaks up first. Brushing a strand of hair behind Robbe’s ear.

The brunette doesn’t answer. He just gets closer so he can sleep in Sander’s arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi thanks for making it here🤧  
> I hope it wasn't too bad, sorry if there were any typos I only read one half of the chapter😅   
> If you want to live any kudos and comments you know it's always appreciated  
> Hope you had a great time while I was gone!!! (the amount of chapter might change lol because I know some of you like the last chapters full of fluff way too much and I mean...I can't blame you❤) Thanks for always being so supportive!
> 
> Love you, take care and wear a mask❤❤  
> @ironymane on Tumblr


	6. I fuck everything up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!! It's me again  
> Yey! I added a chapter because I still have things to tell hihi  
> but yeah I don't have the energy to read it so I'm very sorry for any occasional typos  
> I hope you'll still enjoy this chapter!  
> I'll let you read❤

**August 31 st 2207**

**09:45**

And this morning, they get to wake up in each other’s arms. It doesn’t feel wrong or rushed, it’s just what they need. The warmth of their bodies pressed together as they try to be as close as possible. It’s the little smile appearing on Sander’s face, the one that makes Robbe lose his mind. It’s this gentle perfume he smells when he breathes in the sheets. It’s this soft giggle that escapes Sander’s mouth when he opens his eyes to see Robbe staring at him

“This is illegal” he pouts

Robbe tries to get the hands covering Sander’s face away from him. So, he can see the beautiful sight that is Sander’s sleepy face. “Let me see you!” Robbe shouts

And Sander only replies “No” the sound of his voice muffled by the pillow still covering his face. He throws it across the room, puts his hand in front of Robbe’s eyes and kisses him. It’s actually impossible to kiss when they’re smiling so much. But even if it’s a mess, they manage to feel it all. To feel the happiness, the bliss that it is, finally knowing what they are, what they want.

Do they really know.

After a _lot_ of kissing, Robbe rests his head on Sander’s shoulder. The brunette kisses the younger boy’s hair and breathes.

Robbe breathes too, maybe too much. He starts overthinking, in a moment he thought he could not ruin. He feels bad and this makes him even more anxious.

Sander quickly understands what’s happening. “Robbe” He joins their foreheads. “Robbe what’s happening?”

“I don’t know Sander; I don’t know who I am. I don’t understand why I’m here. I don’t really know how to define what I feel even if I know that it’s real. Maybe I don’t want to. I don’t understand why you’re next to me or why I can’t stop myself from chasing you even if everything’s telling me to stay away from you. Sander I don’t know what’s happening to me and I’m afraid that one of these days I’ll scare and hurt you” Its’ all happening so fast in his mind, Robbe can’t control anything anymore.

“Hey” Sander sits up. “Come here, please get closer” He takes Robbe by his thighs and sits him up on his lap so he can hug him. “Can you hear my breathing Robbe?” He whispers, scared of his voice being so sharp, and Robbe being so sensitive that it could hurt him. “Follow it okay, breathe with me. It’s going to be okay. No matter what happens or what you’re going through I will never judge you, for anything, ever. Robbe whatever happens tomorrow, whatever happens in a minute, whatever happens I’m always here and nothing is wrong with you”

“I-” Robbe sighs, takes a deep breath “I’m tired of not being capable of saying everything I want to express”

“And that’s okay.” He says while moving his head a bit, to be able to kiss Robbe’s forehead. “You’re shaking Robbe…” He says trying to find a way to make the boy feel better “Hey, you know music, right?” Sander knows the answer, he just wants to hear his voice, this voice, the one that makes him feel at ease.

“Yeah”

They move together, in sink. Sander guides Robbe, trying not to rush him. “It’s a little different now, just listen. This used to calm me down when I didn’t feel good.” His hands are travelling Robbe’s brown curls, massaging his scalp. Taking care of this brown-haired boy like he wished someone would have taken care of him.

Then music starts playing.

_We can be heroes, just for one day_

And the lyrics make Robbe smile slightly. “You like this?” Sander whispers in his ear.

“Yeah, a lot, thank you” Robbe has had his eyes closed for some time now and when he dares to open them, he meets Sander’s gaze. This incredibly caring look. He goes all shy. He’s not used to being the center of the attention, he usually doesn’t really like this but it’s one of the things he likes the most when he’s with Sander. It makes him feel like it’s just the two of them. Since the first time they kissed, every time they were together in the same room, it was as though they were the only thing they could focus on. And for some reason Robbe felt like he had never had the strength to control this and neither did he want to control it.

He closes his eyes once again and positions himself so he can hug Sander. The older boy leaves a warm kiss in his hair. Holding him as tight as possible to make him realize that he’s not alone. That he means the world to one person at least, to him.

He speaks one last time “You know, there’s no need to talk about this now. As long as it feels good, I’m not asking for any kind of explanation.” Robbe nods and breathes once again in Sander’s chest, taking the warmth, the affection and the moment in. Because sometimes he needs to remind himself that all of this is true, that he’s living this and it’s not just a fantasy.

**12:43**

They got out of bed pretty late this morning, needing time for themselves. Sander offered to take Robbe out and of course he agreed. When Robbe gets out of the bathroom, it comes to Sander’s attention that Robbe has only been wearing _his_ clothes. He doesn’t even know how he missed it. He approaches and puts his hands on Robbe’s thighs “So, you’re wearing _my shirts_ now” he teases. Robbe blushes.

“I mean it’s not like I have anything else to wear” He tries to be rude for a second but he can’t help but smile when he sees Sander’s face light up.

“I’m pretty sure you’re enjoying the situation” He says, joining their foreheads together.

Robbe nods then he replies “It smells like you” with a huge smile on his face before kissing him for the hundredth time this morning. It still isn’t enough for his taste but at least he has the chance to be with Sander all day. Starting now.

“Come I’ll buy you new stuff this afternoon.”

And Robbe pouts a little at the words “But you don’t have to…”

And Sander clearly knows what’s going on “Oh so you don’t want to give me my clothes back, fine I’ll buy some for me” He says and without even letting Robbe reply, he kisses him.

**13:43**

It’s quite late and the boys just finished eating. They are actually heading to a clothing shop. When they get there for some reason Sander kisses Robbe. But it’s a kiss that seems to never end. They don’t know how they ended up in this situation but Robbe has his back lying against a wall and he’s kissing Sander, with everything he has. That brings him back to that night with Noor. The one when he realized it just could not go any further with her. He can’t help but think about the fact that he has felt more for Sander in two weeks than for Noor in several months. He doesn’t feel bad about it, not really. He’s sad that he hurt her but when he feels Sander lips on his, Sander’s tongue brushing his and his hands travelling his torso, he can’t help but think that it couldn’t happen with her for a reason. And maybe he is destined to be with someone else than Sander but at the moment, he realizes he probably never know a love like this one ever again. Because it’s so pure and true that it can never be replicated.

They’re interrupted by the sound of Sander’s phone. The ringtone of Sander’s phone sounding quite familiar. He looks at it, still breathless and blissed from everything that just happened. His eyes meet Robbe’s before he answers and both of them chuckle shyly.

“Hey! Um do you mind if I call you later?” Sander asks and he doesn’t even wait for the answer, “Cool!” he hangs up and turns again to crash his lips against Robbe, once again.

But this one last a little less, it’s slow and perfect, every kiss feels like a totally different one with Sander and Robbe doesn’t know if one day it’s going to stop. Because everything he feels, every sensation is unique.

“Come on, let’s get in” He says when they have both recovered from everything.

**September 7 th 2207**

**23:32**

“What if we went in the past? Just to see what it was like. You know you like all these songs that were released in the 90s. I want to know what it was like there. And maybe even seeing the world as you got to see it when you were a kid. I wanna see the world through your eyes and your eyes only” Robbe suddenly said.

“Let’s talk about this tomorrow okay” Sander said with a tired voice. It had been a long day, it wasn’t really exhausting, not at all but Sander started thinking about the fact that Robbe will have to leave him one of these days, like Ella did and he’s not going to be able to stop him. He has to go home at some point. And this has been in his head the entire. Robbe has been with him for some time, he has a life in another world. Sander never meant to fall in love with him but he couldn’t repulse his feelings, he couldn’t fight them. He was unarmed.

“You’re right” Robbe breathe, again and again “Good night…love”

And Sander instantly picks it up. _Love_

_His love?_

**September 8 th 2207**

**16:17**

It’s late once again. Sander had his first day back at work today. It was emotionally dreadful. He couldn’t tell anything to Robbe. This was the worst part about all of this. He had to lie to him.

People kept asking questions and Sander wasn’t able to handle it anymore. Because he had, in some way, moved on. But people kept reminding him that she was gone. And he kind of felt bad for being…happy?

Because he didn’t break down every time someone asked him about her. He had no problem hearing her name or talking about her, about memories. Yes, he wishes nothing would have happened but he moved on. Was it too soon? Was it too fast? Is it bad?

Sander is quite lost and he decides that maybe Robbe had a good idea. Sander decides that they’re going back to 2189. Robbe is so excited and he’s even wearing Sander’s jacket. _This boy, my boy_ Sander thinks, a smirk growing on his face. He never thought anyone would be so thrilled to wear a jacket. Sometimes Robbe’s enthusiasm amazed Sander. It was so real. He’s just a happy soul and it feels so right to be with someone like him. Always positive. Always seeing good in everything, in everyone.

At 7pm, they enter Sander’s work basement to find clothes that would suit them to go in the past. Honestly nothing has changed that much. It just kept going in circles, teens have this weird habit of loving the past and going back to the fashion back then. Sander loves it, he loves seeing that the world is still, sometimes, what it used to be. Some things will always change if course and it’s for the best but at times where he misses the past, he’s always happy to think about the possibility that all he misses right now is about to come back with another generation.

Robbe begs Sander to let him go in the past with his jacket and Sander can’t do anything but agree. Robbe has that much power over him. But he loves it, he _knows_ inside of him that Robbe would never even consider hurting him as an option.

**April 12 th 2189**

**21:26**

Sander and Robbe have been exploring the city the entire day. It’s Sander’s home town. And for some reason it feels new to him. Maybe because it’s the first time he brings someone here. Someone he trusts so much. He had never shown this side of his world to anyone, well, his town yes, but not his favorite spots, not the places he used to go pretty often and the places he first created art in. He was always scared to annoy people with his ideas, his stories, his life and even himself but with Robbe something felt different, once again. It was like every word that escaped his mouth fascinated him. And it was so weird yet so adorable. Robbe looked everywhere, at times, he almost fell because he wouldn’t even take the time to look at his feet. He was mesmerized. He had experienced so much the last weeks without really thinking about it. He was now kissing the most beautiful boy he had ever seen and travelling the world and time with him. They were nowhere and at the same time, they were everywhere, whenever, all they knew and really understood was that they were together, close to each other. And it was one of the best feelings. Maybe the best.

They search for a hotel room for a good hour before finally finding an available one. In the hallway, Sander seems to get lost in his mind. Robbe notices it of course. He’s quite worried now so he tries to get Sander’s attention by touching his arm, asking if everything’s okay.

“Yeah yeah” Sander simply answers. It4s a brief answer, Robbe is not used to this kind of behavior, sometimes, Robbe thought that if Sander could tell him about everything that has happened and would happen, if he knew all of this, he would spend his entire life talking about it with Robbe and he loved that idea, so why is he so suddenly quiet. Robbe tells himself to top overthinking, that he’s making that up in his mind, maybe Sander’s just tired.

That night, they fall asleep together as it has become something they do every day. It is now a habit to hold each other during the night so they feel safe and at ease while sleeping because that’s just how they react to each other’s presence and touch.

**2:23**

As hard as he tried tonight, Sander couldn’t fall asleep. She was still on his mind. It felt so weird to see her again today. That girl in the hallway, Ella. Of course, he had not forgotten about her in this short time, but she was slowly becoming a memory to Sander as he had moved on and started to feel things for Robbe, strong feelings. He thought he was over her, over everything they had done and everything they he had not had the time to do. He thought he was but can we ever stop loving someone? Especially when we lost them this way. Especially when this person is the one who made it possible for Sander to be who he is. He thought he could get over her easily or repress his feelings and stop listening to himself. He knew going back to this time would be a risk for him but he really didn’t expect to see her here. He can’t stay in bed. He’s suffocating, his thoughts filling his mind like it hadn’t in a long time. He needs air.

Sander gets out of his room and runs. Runs to the outside, where he finds…her. Nothing but her. And he remembers why he fell for her in the first place. She’s a tall brunette with intense blue eyes. The kind of eyes that are so clear they could see through you. She’s seated on a bench and she’s staring at Sander with a questioning glance. “Are you okay?”

Of course, she doesn’t know who he is yet. Or maybe she does but Sander has got a little old and doesn’t really look like his young self. He sits down beside her.

Without eve knowing it, they spend the entire night talking. Sander feels like he has found an old friend. He realizes that maybe yes, she’s gone and it still made him feel things to see her but not in a romantic way. She is and will always be a part of his life. A part of his life that he has chosen not to hold on to. For himself. For Robbe.

He knows her so well, he still finds in the person in front of him the Ella he was still living with some months ago. She’s here, it’s in her laugh and the way her dimples sculpt her face when she smiles. It’s also in her laugh. It’s not that girly but Sander loves it. She’s the kind of person who doesn’t really care about other people’s judgement so making her laugh sound cute is the least of her concerns.

So, tonight, they laugh, they talk like old friends even if technically Ella just met him. Sander feels so lucky that he got to share this moment with her. He really needed it. She left so suddenly, he still had so many things to tell her when she passed away. Unfortunately, these are things he will never be able to change but at least, he knows that there’s a part of her in every universe and Sander will always be able to talk to her, see her.

3:45 Robbe wakes up, he reaches to the side to get closer to Sander. Sander who’s gone. Robbe quickly stands up, confused. He gets out of their bedroom. There are glasses everywhere so as soon as he enters the hallway, he sees them through the windows. A drenching pain hits him. _So that’s why he was so distant._ Robbe just leaves them and gets back in the room.

The room he wants to leave but can’t. Because he’s tired of running away. He gets back under the covers and breaks down. His sobs are muffled by the blanket he put on his mouth. It always has to end like this. Every time he gets a glimpse of happiness, it always has to be ruined, by him. Maybe if Sander fell for someone else it’s because Robbe didn’t give him enough attention, who knows? _It’s always my fault anyway. I fuck everything up. Starting by my life._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey? How was it? I know plenty of you are already planning to kill me because of this end hihi  
> But when I say I love angst, I do mean it. I hate reading it but writing it is wow   
> enough talking I hope you enjoyed this, at least the happy parts and you're not too sad it ended like this (lol)  
> I hope you've had/will have a great week  
> Love you, stay safe ❤❤


	7. Her

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!  
> First of all I'd like to apologize for this late chapter. It's been a month and I'm so sorry but I couldn't bring myself to write.  
> But I know you all are (maybe) craving this chapter so I'm just going to let you read I hope you'll enjoy it!❤

**4:30**

Sander gets back in the room and in bed. He searches for Robbe on the other side of this immense bed but he can’t find him. The sheets are cold. He must’ve been gone for a while. Sander then stands up. He puts the light on and looks around the room but still, no Robbe.

“Robbe?” He asks

No answer…

“Robbe” he asks again, a little louder

Still no answer but he can hear a door swing open. He turns around and sees him, he has teary eyes but there’s still an emotion in there that he can’t quite figure out. He runs to him and gets on the floor to cup his face between his hands but Robbe fights back.

“What are you doing! Don’t touch me!” and his voice breaks Sander’s heart. Confusion taking over him.

“Robbe what happened? You were asleep and okay when I left the room. Tell me what happened, I don’t want to lose you for a meaningless thing.”

“A meaningless thing? That’s what it is for you? Are you sure it’s a meaningless thing?”

“Robbe what are you talking about…explain it to me.”

“Why would this change anything, I always knew I was the only one who’s rotten between the two of us.” Robbe gets out of Sander’s way and tries to run to the door. He can’t escape, Sander has grabbed his wrist. “Let me go!” Robbe is crying, like he never has. Even in moments where he hated himself to his chore, he never cried like that. A heartbreak is so much more than anything Robbe has ever gone through. Especially in this situation because he knows the boy that he can’t help but love fooled him.

“Robbe” He tries to make his voice sound reassuring enough for Robbe to open up to him. Could you talk to me please? I don’t want this to end just because we weren’t able to say things out loud.”

“You’re the one who’s hiding things” The youngest boy pronounced the words sharply.

“What?”

“Don’t tell me this girl isn’t your girlfriend”

Sander quickly realizes who Robbe’s talking about and a feeling of guilt consumes him. “Fuck!” Sander screams. He feels lie the world has just collapsed in his hands. It’s awful, he’s been hiding it to Robbe for way too long but how do you explain it.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought. Will you ever be tired of hurting me? What have I done to you?”

“Robbe, nothing and I never wanted to hurt you just- Could you please sit down with me?” His eyes are pleading Robbe.

The boy sits down, far away from him as silence falls in the room. Sander can hear things breaking in his mind as he tries to find a way to explain it all to Robbe. But how could someone explain this properly. It’s like reading twenty stories at once. “She’s called Ella”

Robbe nods “Who is she, what does she mean to you?”

“It’s complicated”

“Nothing’s ever been simple, Sander”

“She’s my soulmate” And the words broke Robbe apart as he thought he had found true love with Sander. It’s true, he had been thinking about it for a week now. His soulmate mark appeared as soon as Sander came into his life. The words were so hard to swallow and Sander obviously noticed it.

“Then why did you start a relationship with me?!”

Sander jumps at the sudden aggressivity. “Please don’t- Just don’t shout”

“I just don’t get you, why would you do this when you already have a-”

“She’s not my soulmate Robbe”

“What are you talking about?”

“She’s my old soulmate, she died.” He looks down at his feet, cursing at himself for not bringing his up sooner.

“So, your soulmate is dead”

“Yes”

“Then what were you doing with her, trying to win her in this time?”

“No Robbe! I was just curious, I wanted to make sure she’s okay. You wouldn’t understand”

“Let me try to”

“She was the only one here for me when no one dared to care. I- I had an abusive dad. Not one of the kinds who bits you up, he just did it mentally. I was at my worst when she found me. It was every day. My mom was suffering, my older brother had left the house…I was just alone and I could not handle it alone. I didn’t have time for myself or homework so the teachers told me that I wasn’t serious enough. That I clearly wasn’t enough. The first time I felt like it was okay to b myself, that I _was enough_ was through her eyes. Robbe without her I would be dead by now. I owe her so much, I owe her my life, you…Without her I wouldn’t be here today, with you. It’s hard to see someone who means so much to you and just not reach out. I’m so sorry, I always mess up.”

“Sander…”

“I know you don’t want to trust me but it’s the truth Robbe. I loved her” he smiles “More than anything but today, you’re it for me. I love you there’s just no one else and” he takes Robbe’s hands in his “I don’t know how many times I’ll have to say it and if it takes a lifetime for you to believe me, I’ll say it, over and over again but the only one that matter to me is you. I love you, Robbe. I will never hide my love. I love you, with everything I have. I know it’s sudden but I just can’t help it”

When Sander tries to look into Robbe’s eyes, he finds then looking at their hands in disbelief.

_In elk universum_

He has it _too_. Robbe finally looks into Sander’s eyes with his teary ones. And he can’t help but kiss him. With so much intensity that Sander is surprised at first but he reciprocates with the same passion. He’s holding his face like it’s the most precious things his hands have ever held. Because he is. Sander is what Robbe values the most. Learning all these things about him tonight and finally understanding things that still weren’t clear between the two of them, understanding things about the mysterious boy that is Sander feels like a privilege.

They might be crying, from all the stress, the tension and the obvious relief. Sander pulls away. “I’ve been searching for you for so long Robbe.”

“Me too” He says while smiling and pulling Sander in once again to kiss him. And maybe tonight their kiss never stops. It doesn’t end because they both need to feel the closure, they’ve just found in each other. It’s a night of healing, it doesn’t have to be fast, it’s sweet and the love that emanates from the room has no replica.

**5:30**

They’re lying on the bed, breathless from all the kissing and all that ensued earlier.

Sometime in the bliss that is this morning, they get up and sit in front of the window to look at the sunrise. Pink, blue, purple tones fulfilling the sky.

Robbe’s head is resting on Sander’s shoulder, it comes to his mind as he feels Sander leaving a kiss on his forehead, one of the softest kisses he’s ever been given. Maybe the softest, ever. “I wish we could never age, so this would never have to end. I want to make time stop; can’t we do that?”

It’s still hard for Sander to believe that last night actually happened. He doesn’t answer, too focused on Robbe’s face.

“I wish we could have eternity” And as the words escape his mouth, Robbe can almost see the smile appearing on Sander’s face. Maybe it’s more of a smirk.

“We already have it, we can go wherever we want, the only difference is that one day, or time will come to an end. But who knows, maybe we’ll find each other in after life”

“I like this idea”

“Okay but you know what?” Robbe nods, letting Sander know that he can continue. “Let’s enjoy our eternity as humans, we have time to figure out what comes after.”

“Yeah”

“Yes?” Sander asks, trying to make Robbe repeat his words with his sleepy, still so angelic voice.

“Yes” And it only takes them 3 seconds to lose themselves in each other again. But who can blame them?

**19:30**

“Robbe?”

Robbe groans, not wanting to get out of the dream that was their day.

Sander laughs, quietly, not wanting to break the silence that has been installed in the room for hours. “We have to eat; we can’t stay here day and night”

Robbe jumps in the bed. “Of course, we can!” And in this moment, he doesn’t really know what gets to him but he just does it. He knows he can do anything in Sander’s presence. He turns around, to properly face his boyfriend. “Look, I can do that” he says, leaving a peck on Sander’s lips which already makes the boy go crazy, lost in love “I can also do this” Robbe looks inside Sander’s eyes with an intensity that completely changes the mood before kissing his neck. Robbe peppers kisses all over his torso and face, not ever wanting to get away from Sander’s skin.

Sander’s hands reach Robbe face. He pulls him up so he can be able to kiss him. Robbe is so right, they could stay right here forever. What could stop them? The weather? No, they both love the rain, they could even go on the little balcony they have and kiss, just like people do in movies like the ones they’ve watched together. Or even on sunny days, the hot hair could feel suffocating but it would make it all w<ay more intense for both of them. And they wouldn’t mind feeling warm, maybe too warm in each other’s hands.

He was right but- Sander was extremely hungry.

“Come on Robbe” Sander watches him eyes wide open “I’m hungry”

“But-” and as he tries to finish his sentence, Robbe’s stomach produces the weirdest sound. And Robbe sights when a smile reaches Sander’s face.

“Come, we’ll just eat and come back right away.”

“Okayyyyy” Robbe says while getting out of bed.

**20:56**

They spend a huge part of tonight just dancing in streets and enjoying the time they get to spend together. They ate in a restaurant, not too expansive for the food to be delicious but it didn’t really matter for the both of them. They had a little table hidden in a corner and it was already enough for them. They spent the entire time just trying to meet in the middle of the table to be able to kiss.

As they were passing by a bench, it came to Sander’s mind that they still needed to talk. So, he took Robbe’s hand, holding it firmly but not too firmly. Enough to make Robbe follow him.

When they’re finally seated, Sander cradles Robbe’s face with his hands and kisses him, knowing the discussion is going to be a hard one.

“Robbe?”

The boy nods

Sander’s eyes get watery, it feels like he’s ending a story, a dream. And it’s painful. Eventually, a tear leaves his eye and it confuses Robbe. Everything was so amazing tonight, why would Sander cry now?

“You know…You’ll have to go back home someday…”

When the youngest boy realizes what this is all about, he stops Sander “No, don’t start this, not now.” He takes a moment to look at Sander, only him “Not ever.”

“But you have friends and family and just so many things, so many people that might be afraid that something has happened to you Robbe, you can’t leave it all behind-”

“Sander, stop! Breathe with me okay?” Robbe gets closer to Sander so he can hug him, into the crook of his neck, he murmurs “I’m never leaving you and you should know it. I can’t. We can try to figure out a way for me to still see them but Sander…Just please, tell yourself that I’ll follow you anywhere. I don’t care, I love you. What matters to me is to be with you, of course I’m going to miss people but it’s the not the same pain. If I lost you tomorrow, I wouldn’t survive it. We’re soulmates, we’ve been looking for each other for long now, at I’ve been looking for you. When I first met you and ever since my heart has always brought me back to you. So, maybe we’ll go back to my time. Or yours. Or another one. I’m not sure about anything except for the fact that my future is with you. So, please, believe me when I tell you that wherever you’ll go, I’ll go with you. What happens in the future is for the future Robbe and Sander to figure out okay. Just live this moment with me. And smile” He says finally taking a step back to look at Sander “You look so beautiful when you smile”

“You’re the only one that makes me smile like this” Sander says, his cheeks stained by the remaining tears.

And the weeks that follow this moment are the best Sander and Robbe had ever lived. They love, they travel, they do so many things, some of them aren’t even great but the fact that they’re doing them together just makes it feel like a privilege. They have doubts and they’re scared of the future but they can never doubt their love ever again and it’s so reassuring. Robbe means everything to Sander and Sander means everything to Robbe. Sander’s life, before meeting Robbe was a rollercoaster of feelings, feelings he knew no one shared. And even when he was overwhelmed like he was he still found his soulmate. In another time and this boy had accepted to love the entirety of the human being that Sander. At first, it’s hard to believe that someone could love you so wholeheartedly but when Sander realized that his feelings for Robbe were the same, he told himself that maybe loving like they do, as much as they do was possible.

They spent years like this. Years tuned into a lifetime. Ad their love for one another never faded. Maybe they died. Or maybe they didn’t their love keeping them on Earth. We’ll never know if their bodies will, one of these days, erase themselves from our world but the only thing no one should doubt is that their souls will forever love each other and they’ll always stay bounded.

They'll never stop feeling this everlasting love for each other

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, how was it?  
> I know you like extra fluff chapters but I think I need to move on from this work...  
> Thank you for always being so patient and supportive❤❤  
> We'll see each other for a new fic I guess😊  
> I missed you!!!!  
> I hope everyone's doing great and staying safe❤  
> Comments are always appreciated  
> Love you ❤ take care of yourselves


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